News hit today that Joe Thornton was stripped of his captaincy of the San Jose Sharks, and that the team will enter the pre-season with no captains or alternates.
“We felt we had to do something after that collapse in the playoffs” explained Sharks coach Todd McLellan, outside of a Burger King. “We knew fans were going to be calling for the heads of leadership, so we wanted to make sure the team still believed in the leadership, so we put it to a vote. Joe was voted out as captain. So we asked ‘who wants to be captain then?’ and nobody raised their hands. Patrick Marleau actually started crying when I looked at him in the eyes, he screamed that I was being too aggressive. Brent Burns wouldn’t stop eating raw steak to pay attention to me. Logan Couture just started giggling and watching porn on his phone. It’s a mess, I won’t lie.”
The Sharks currently have a fan poll on their website asking who should be the next captain of the Sharks. Word leaking out is that the team will simply use the results of the poll to select the new captain, as part of their attempts to make a “fully interactive fan experience for online fans.”
Surprisingly, the Sharks mascot “Sharkie” is the leading vote getter. If things don’t change between now and Monday, the Sharks plan on unveiling Sharkie as the teams captain at a press conference next week. The team also promised to have a vote for when to strip Sharkie of the “C” as well.