Canucks unveil new “Super Jersey” as third jersey for 2015 season

Trevor Linden has had to make a lot of tough decisions in his first few months on the job, but none may have been as hard as deciding on the new third jersey for next season.

“I won’t lie, that’s been the hardest part of my job so far. Drafting guys? Sure, that can be tough, but end of the day Delorme’s “Paper, Rock, Scissors” scouting method makes sure any decision we make gets done quickly. Do I find it odd that Delorme always chooses “Rock” every god damn time? Sure, but at least he’s consistent, and if I really want a guy, I know I can choose “Paper” to get him. Then you have at least three years before you can really see if the guy you drafted turns into a good player, so it’s hard for the fans to get on you. But jerseys? Holy shit, you mention jerseys in this time and people go ape shit. Everybody has an idea for a jersey, so just when we think we’ve narrowed it down to the best choice, a bunch of people complain about it. “It’s too green, it’s too blue, it reminds me of my ex, etc etc”. Thankfully, our new design team has come up with something we think everyone will be happy with.


“It’s perfect, it’s got a little bit of everything. We’ve got the stick in rink to honor our original team, we’ve got a bad ass Orca who won’t take shit from anybody to honor the late 90’s, we’ve got the skate logo to honor my time, we’ve got the V to honor the 80’s, and we’ve got Johnny Canuck because that dude who makes those videos won’t leave me alone about getting himself on a jersey.I also don’t know if you could tell, but our graphic design team was able to use subtle graphics to advertise for my gym. I bet you can’t even tell, but I assure you, they’re on there. Plus, if you wear this jersey, you’ll get 20% off a Club 16 gym membership! How good is that?”

The jersey is expected to go on sale some time in September. The retail price is looking to be around $1000 because “that 20% off gym membership doesn’t pay for itself”.


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