Leafs sign James Reimer to new two year deal; Neither side is very excited

The Toronto Maple Leafs announced they have signed goaltender James Reimer to a new two year deal, avoiding arbitration. Reimer will be paid 2.3 million a year for this contract, taking him to unrestricted free agency when it’s over. Both sides describe the new deal as “Meh.”

“I guess we’re happy?” Dave Nonis told a throng of reporters outside of a Toys ‘R Us.  “I mean, we needed two goalies for next season, and Reimer is a goalie, that’s right there on his resume. So yeah, it’s good we got him to sign the deal, but you know, it’s not something I would Instagram or use a smiley face emoticon for. It would be more like that emoticon that was a slant for its lips, as if to say ‘yeah this happened, not too impressed, let’s just move on with our lives.'”

James Reimer did not return our phone calls, but he did send a text message to one media member:


Perhaps most upset about the news was Damien Cox:


While many will find it insane to blame a back up goalie for a teams collapse, Damien Cox has never been one to let facts get in the way of a good conversation. Damien Cox also still holds out hope that Brodeur can be brought in as the backup in Toronto.

“I just really need some money from more book sales” a defeated Cox admitted minutes later. “That piece of shit Reimer is cutting into my potential sales.”




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