Advanced Stats fans plan national “Kyle Dubas” day

In a move that took many people by surprise, the Leafs fired front office executives Claude Loiselle and Dave Poulin and brought in Kyle Dubas in to serve as an assistant GM. Dubas, who just last year was the GM of the Soo Greyhounds, is only 28 years old, but is said to be a smart, shrewd and reportedly has a “kind smile”.  Another notch in Dubas’ favor? He likes to incorporate advanced stats into his job.

While Dave Nonis was understandably uncomfortable with the move (rumors persist that Nonis threw up several times when Shanahan broke the news to him), advanced stats fans were quite ecstatic about the announcement.

“IT’S THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE. THE GREATEST DAY. If my happiness had a PDO rating, it would be trending unsustainably high right now!!! ” screamed noted advanced stats fan Jim Bluth. “He knows what Corsi is! And zone entries! ZONE ENTRIES! Do you think he’ll know about 5 on 5, down 2+ goals, last five minutes of the game stats? Could you imagine? I think I need to sit down.”

Advanced stats fans are said to be holding a celebration in Toronto in honor of the Dubas hire. They plan on having a parade, where bystanders will be allowed to count how many floats are in the parade, how each float performs with the other floats, and how many times the floats fail to get out of their zone. Free “Corsi” neck tattoos will also be available.



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